Dear Jerk who lives on the next street,
PUT YOUR DARN DOG IN YOUR DARN HOUSE! I have enough trouble going back to sleep at night being so pregnant without your dog barking and howling for HOURS at 1am! I was so tired and cranky that you're only LUCKY that the cops were already at your house when my husband decided to go see what your problem was. You had better believe you will NOT be so lucky next time it happens, because he even told the cops that next time he won't call them first.
The Cranky Pregnant Lady
Ok, it won't help, but it makes me feel better. Now I need a nap.
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